


Helpless Feelings

by KtheG



Series: What are Feelings? [2]
Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: F/F, Lilshotgun, Post final scene, Pre-Relationship, can we process our feelings? no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:34:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25790659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KtheG/pseuds/KtheG
Summary: Mary sees Lilith lying there, barely breathing, and she can't help but realize feelings.
Relationships: Sister Lilith/Shotgun Mary (Warrior Nun)
Series: What are Feelings? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870942
Comments: 5
Kudos: 41





	Helpless Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> So thanks to the Discord server I apparently write for multiple ships now? This got written in an hour and is probably not enough but... here we are.

The fight didn’t go how they had anticipated at all. Mary thought she’d be worse for wear honestly. Getting tackled by a horde of demon possessed humans was not in the plan. She definitely didn’t expect to come out alive, and she sure as hell didn’t expect to see Lilith in a crumpled heap on the floor. The woman (half-demon?) was the strongest of all of them on a bad day, so to see her down after a fight was a rare occurrence. Mary rushed to Lilith to make sure she was still alive (was she even alive in the first place? Coming back from Hell is unclear on one’s life line) and felt Lilith’s chest moving, barely. Up close, nothing appeared broken but each breath sounded rough and shallow.

“Lily, can you hear me? Please wake up.” Mary begged. Lilith didn’t stir, and the only thing stopping Mary from losing herself completely was the fact that Lilith’s heart continued to beat under her hands (albeit weakly and faster than was probably safe, even for a half-demon). Nobody knew the extent to which Lilith could heal, only that she came back from Hell still alive.

“Mary, we’ve got to go. Can you carry her? I’ve got Ava.” Beatrice’s voice sounded far away, but Mary gave a nod and moved to pick up Lilith. The fact that Mary could pick up the other woman so easily was another tick in the “things to worry about later” column that was growing larger in Mary’s mind. How was it possible for such a fierce woman to appear so small?

Mary couldn’t lose Lilith. Not another loved one. She had lost her mother to the for-profit prison system and then had lost herself to anger, only to regain herself with Shannon and the OCS, only to lose Shannon to a man she thought of as a father.

Mary struggled walking to the car with the added weight of Lilith, but she would do it a hundred times again if it meant keeping the other woman safe. Camila had hot-wired a car and Beatrice was settled with Ava in the middle row, so Mary took the back seats with Lilith unceremoniously strewn across the bench. How had they managed to escape? Mary couldn’t remember much past the moment she went into the crowd of the possessed. There is a vague memory of a flash of light that could only come from the Halo, which explained why Ava was passed out on Beatrice, but Mary couldn’t think of a reason for Lilith to have overexerted herself.

Regardless, here they were, on the move with two fallen celestial beings and three humans on the run from the Devil (if one was to believe Ava and after the display in the courtyard, Mary is content to say Ava is right, for once). The drive out of Rome is slow, and Mary is anxious the whole time. Her body hurts, and she’s pretty sure she’s broken a couple fingers, but she’s more concerned with trying to figure out why Lilith isn’t healing like she did at Arq-Tech.

Lilith’s head is resting on Mary’s lap, and Mary just now realizes she’s been running her fingers through Lilith’s hair (the silver is weird, but not necessarily bad) and the other hand is resting on Lilith’s chest unconsciously timing her breaths.

Beatrice and Camila are discussing where to go now that they’ve destroyed the catacombs below the Vatican and Duretti probably has a search party on the hunt for the five of them. Their voices float through the car, but Mary is more focused on making sure Lilith continues to breathe.

They drive for a long time. Mary drifts off into the lightest sleep she’s gotten since she was a kid in the foster system and she jerks awake when the car rolls to a stop. Her fingers are throbbing and her leg is numb but Lilith is still here and breathing and that’s all that matters. The slam of car doors spurs Mary into action and together, she and Beatrice get Lilith onto a bed in the shitty motel room they’ve rented.

“I don’t think she’s been injured too badly. It looks like she just used too much at once.” Beatrice is talking, and Mary is nodding along (that theory makes the most sense) but all Mary is thinking about is  _ why the Hell do I care so much? _

It’s a thought she’s been thinking a lot, lately. Mourning Shannon and what they had has been harder than Mary expected, but Lilith made it easier. Lilith made it easier to imagine a new life. Sure, the other Sister’s were her family, but Lilith had made Mary feel the most welcome (which thinking about it is weird because Lilith rarely liked anybody) when she first came to the OCS. Shannon, Mary, and Lilith had been a family, and they had slowly expanded to include Beatrice and then Camila. But Lilith and Mary had  _ years _ of experiences shared together.

And so when Lilith had stepped in front of the Tarask for  _ Ava of all people  _ Mary’s heart broke just a little bit more. No longer would she have someone to share the burden of grieving Shannon with; now Mary would have to grieve for her whole family. When Lilith came back, appearing out of nowhere at Arq-Tech, Mary had breathed a sigh of relief, knowing inherently that Lilith was too stubborn to just die after sacrificing herself. They hadn’t had a chance to really catch up with each other since the docks, and Mary had regretted burying herself in investigating Shannon’s death. The first moment of peace, looking at the sunset with some of the most humble people Mary had ever met had given her a moment to think. She realized all that she was missing, and she was especially torn apart by the fact that Lilith wasn’t there to share the experience with.

Mary came back to herself when she sat on the bed next to Lilith.

“I need you to wake up and be okay, baby girl. I can’t do this without you. And I know that because I’ve already had to do it once. Don’t you dare make me do it again.”


End file.
